Elizabeth Grattan

Ask Men has done it again. The results are in on the 2010 Great Male Survey.

And according to the findings a third of the men believe women lose their looks at forty. These guys apparently haven’t seen a photograph of Andie Macdowell lately. I understand that some men prefer the twenty something Twiggy, but seriously guys, if you can’t appreciate the curves and definition that the thirties will give a woman, you need to get out more.

We’ve known, and research has shown, that physical appearance is a strong attractor for men. That isn’t a new revelation. But what was interesting about the survey, was how it bolstered that familiar notion that there is definitely a type of woman that a guy is more likely to take home and a type of woman a guy is more likely to take home to meet mom. And women would do well to note that while her outward beauty might catch his eye, it takes a hell of a lot more than that to ring him in.

A sense of loyalty ranked highest in the trait that will change a status update to “in a relationship”. And the guys want a woman who cares and nurtures them. A woman who looks out for them. And a woman who laughs with them. And ladies, no need to bring along your college degree, intellectual conversation isn’t a necessity. While they didn’t actually say ignorance is bliss, turns out a woman’s brain isn’t nearly as important as her commitment to stay.

This makes sense. Especially considering that men’s brains are far more wired for emotion than women’s. They don’t handle break ups well and crave sex for the outlet of intimacy they can’t get anywhere else. It also lends support to why many men rank a girlfriend, spouse or even ex sleeping with another man as an ultimate end. Loyalty is something men need.

And contrary to the stereotype that guys want to stray themselves, 80% of those surveyed said while tempted, they would never cheat on their partner. Ladies, listen up: the word is trust. Sure, we know that both men and women have fidelity issues, but this survey, like others before it, does lend weight to the idea that faithfulness of both is a man’s optimum goal.

Guys appear to have trust issues too. Most men said they would, or have snooped at their partner’s private electronic messages, whether on a social network or elsewhere, with just a fourth waiting for consent from their partner to do it. Frighteningly, over 10% of the guys would track their woman’s physical whereabouts with GPS.

Not surprisingly, if the boys had their way, the girls would have better attitudes, moods and an appetite for bed. Fantasies were pretty much in line with what we’ve always believed: the guys want to experience three.

Communication could use some work. Close to 40% won’t share their sexual fantasies with their mates, fearing she’ll see him differently or would reject his dream. Loosen up guys. We might actually want to have the conversation. Women have fantasies of their own. Besides, the best sex stems from meeting and exceeding expectations. Share a little, risk a little. You never know. And even if the fantasy is out of reach, it will give her insight into what excites you. The conversation alone might be the most provocative intimate moment you’ll spend together, capitalize on it like foreplay.

Speaking of intimacy, half the men said they make an effort for romance and most said they do it in order to get closer to their partner, with only a small percentage (16%) wining and dining just to get her in bed. And the number of men who will toss out that four letter word just to see her naked? Good news girls, it’s dropped to just 8%.

That being said, men aren’t very satisfied with the sex, regardless. With about a third wanting to change either the quantity or quality of the experience. Most said improvement was necessary. And one quarter of those surveyed say they aren’t getting any at all.

What’s an indication of better sex? According to these chaps those with healthy sexual relationships get it on multiple times a week. And if you think you’ll be pleasing him just by moaning in his ear until he gets off, think again. As grand as Meg Ryan’s acting was, most men don’t want a woman faking it between the sheets.

If you’re interested in spicing it up a bit, consider the kitchen. Most men said they thought they’d beat their mates in a cook off. This could be the perfect opportunity for women to give the guys some competition and cook bacon naked.

How men view a woman’s sexuality still seems to contradict their own fantasies. They will rank a woman as promiscuous if she’s reached ten to twenty partners. Interesting to note, the survey did not ask the men how many sexual partners they’ve had.

Not all relationships last, and while it made a fun story line on TV, most men will not use a post it to end it. Almost all men surveyed believed a relationship should end face to face. In addition, most all said they believed that divorce courts favor women. And what about men who get caught being unfaithful? Most all men surveyed said that “sex addiction” was a scam just to excuse the cheating.

When it comes to being friends with an ex, the survey split a bit, with a third of the guys having no issue if their gal is in contact with a former fling. Another third would agree only if they met the old flame, and a third said no way.

The survey contained a lot of loaded questions, as it usually does, but it does give a glimpse into the way a man sees himself and the world surrounding him. Contrary to a lot of stereotypes out there, men are still men, or want to be. They long for the days when someone could give their word with a handshake, and they rank a change in moral standards as a negative. Money isn’t really all that important, but perception and esteem are. They care about what others think of them, and it matters that their impression is good. But still, overall, men seem to have some set core values that really haven’t changed too much through the years.

When the men were asked what makes a man, half said caring for their wife and children, a quarter opted for being a strong leader and motivator and less than 10% ranked charisma or being popular. The most encouraging news? Only 3% of the men surveyed believed money mattered when it came to defining them.

What’s a survey like this mean? Maybe nothing. Or, maybe it’s an insight into getting know somebody. Sure, no man fits a mold perfectly, but a lot of times, we can gain understanding into what our guy is thinking, either by comparing their own answers or by just listening.

You can read the full survey here.

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